Gratitude

The Gratitude Project: Moving toward Resurrection

This month (March 23) marks the fourth anniversary of my grandson’s going home to be with Jesus. (For those of you unfamiliar with Zekey’s story I would encourage you to read my son’s blog (thesometimespreacher.com) and my daughter-in-law’s blog (breeloverly.com). Zekey passed into the arms of Jesus at four years old, after suffering a rare neurological disorder called Batten’s). Because of its proximity to Good Friday and Easter I associate his death with both Lent and Holy Week. In my last post I wrote of Zekey receiving the ashes of Ash Wednesday. And his journey continued from there until he passed into the arms of Jesus almost a month before Easter that year. I am reminded that with my memories of Zekey, just as in the memorial of Good Friday there is the paradox of conflicting emotions. We are relieved because Zekey no long suffers but we miss him with the longing for that reunion that will only come in heaven.

I believe we can honor Christ’s sacrifice by being both saddened (sobered) that the world had come to this place in our brokenness and sadness and sin that God’s only son had to die and joyful (grateful) that in his death is glory. The glory of the cross. I wonder if Satan rejoiced at Christ’s death or did he already know that in Christ’s dying the world was made new again – that Redemption was purchased through the blood of Christ? Christ experienced both the humiliation of death by crucifixion and its glory because it was through that death that He once and for all could demonstrate his unfailing, his eternal, his lasting love for us, sinners that we are.

How can we turn our backs on that love – either in our presumption to believe we are no longer sinners, or in our despair to believe that nothing can take away our sin? Our task both during Lent and throughout our Christian lives is to live in that space between sin and glory, death and eternal life.

Alexander Schmemann called Lent the season of Bright Sadness. And he did so, in the knowledge that we as Christians are called to walk the journey (passover) to Resurrection.

“For each year Lent and Easter are, once again, the rediscovery and the recovery by us of what we were made through our own baptismal death and resurrection”.

It strikes me that Christian maturity has a lot to do with our capacity to live in tension – to know we are sinners and at the same time saints; that we are called to die daily (to our sin) and to live daily (to the hope we have in Christ!) And such is Christian gratitude, which is so much more than the world offers. With Zekey, we could hate the “unmaking” of disease, but be eternally grateful for the redemption of Easter, of Resurrection. Because of Christ – #zekeylives.

One practice of gratitude that I find so helpful is the naming of the sin that binds me, and moving through that confession (to God and others) to receiving God’s grace, His unwavering love, and His unmitigated forgiveness of that sin. I do not need to be grateful for the hard circumstances of my life, or my sin, or the world’s sin… but I can be grateful that God, through His Son redeems what Satan intended for evil. How about you? What part of your story have you seen God redeem? And how does this journey to Easter reflect it?

GP: Lent

An Odd Thanksgiving: Two Powerful Lenten Experiences:

The year Zekey died, it snowed all winter. We had snow on the ground from November well into March. Andy and Breena had been with us since the preceding August. Cyrus and Eisley were in school, but that winter it seemed like they rarely went because of school delays or closings. Bexley (then 2) spent her days lying alongside Zekey who was camped in a bed by the window which looked out at the woods in our front yard. It seemed like they watched an endless loop of Lightning McQueen and Daniel Tiger. There was so much laughter coming from that bed – Bexley giggling and Zeke laughing at whatever show he was watching at the time. He couldn’t talk with words, but his laugh was riddled with meaning.

I cannot now remember when Easter was that year, but I’ll never forget Ash Wednesday. By this time we knew that Zekey would not be with us long. Andy brought him forward during our service that evening to receive the ashes and to hear the words: “From dust you came, to dust you will return”. Most of the church watched as Andy carried him forward, and we all wept at the reality of what was being done and said over him. His mortal body would soon be gone, but his immortal soul would be eternally yoked to Jesus – the one for whom we walked this Lenten journey.

The second profound Lenten experience happened a year later for me. My great friend and mentor had fallen and broken her hip a week after Zekey’s funeral and the next year was spent trying to find good care for her and to be with her as she prepared to leave this world for another. She had spent her life helping people prepare for death and resurrection. In her books and in her ministry the message of the Cross was central to all she did. In my own life, it was her message and ministry of Christ’s coming, his suffering, his death and resurrection that fully awoke in me the promise of wholeness. I remember hearing her speak for the first time, and thinking to myself – I have no idea what this woman is talking about but I desperately want what she has. It was like listening to the beauty of another language (French in particular!) and saying to myself – I want to, no I need to, learn that language.

She died on Ash Wednesday 2015. As she left this world for the eternal company of God – she brought home to those of us gathered around her, that indeed from dust we come, and to dust we return. Just as she had done in life, she did so in death: she bore witness to the promise of wholeness for the whole of our beings – our minds, our souls, our bodies, our spirits. She suffered, as Zekey did in the last months of her life, but it never diminished her soul’s capacity for joy.

These two Lenten experiences have made me very grateful for the walk to Resurrection Sunday. I can acknowledge my great dependence on Christ, and I can acknowledge my body’s frailty. I can yield my will’s inability to be who God has called me to outside of that total dependence on him. I can affirm that while the body may die, my soul like Zekey’s and Leanne’s will be tethered for all eternity to the great love of the Father, through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.

The GP: Sweater Weather

I’ve been waiting to be inspired for this week’s gratitude prompt – and a part of me thinks – “how in the world are you going to come up with 52 “original” prompts for gratitude this year?” Of course I need to be original and profound – which sorta sets me up for failure – since being grateful is not about profundity but about grace. It’s grace to be present to all that is going around us and to see God’s hand in it whether or not we bubble up with joy.

A hot topic these days (the cold snowy days of February) is of course the weather. How much snow, just how cold is it going to be, and what, another day off school (great for teachers, not so great for parents!)!

When I was eight years old my father moved us from our hometown of Charlotte NC (in the heart of the Southeast) to a suburb outside of Philadelphia. My mother agreed to go but in our eight years there she had a deep disdain for “Yankeeland” as she called it and the people who lived there – “those damn Yankees!”. My mother was also an alcoholic and while the weather obviously wasn’t the cause of it I do think that if she had lived here in the 21^st century she might very well have been treated for depression or quite possibly with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The dark cold days after Christmas do indeed affect people in so many ways. I personally love the moodiness of rain (blame my Scottish heritage), the deep drifts of snow (as I look at it from my nice warm chair) and the crisp, sometimes sunny air of winter! If you were to ask me what season might drive me to depression I would have to say the hot humid 90 degree temperatures of August!

Please know I am not taking weather related depression lightly; I grieve for my mother thinking she might have had a very different life if she had been aware of her seasonal triggers. So, where am I going with this? Perhaps those of us who struggle with winter might find something to be grateful for in the midst of it? Many of us find it no struggle at all to thank God for bracing winds and snow capped fields. For that we can give thanks. Like last week’s prompt there is something liberating in looking up and out of our circumstances and be grateful in the midst of those circumstances. Perhaps you’ve found a secret to making it through to May (let’s face it, we have had snow in April before!) And the rest of us might pause and think about and pray for those people for whom Winter is truly depressing. What do you think?

The Gratitude Project – Look up and out!

When my children were growing up and my days were full with caring for them along with ministry concerns, I would go away by myself on a personal retreat on a regular basis. There I could not only rest and pray or journal, but also step outside the roles of my daily life – wife, mother, daughter, group leader… Most of the time I went north to Monroe, Michigan to stay in a little retreat house set back among woods and fields. I usually spent the first few hours napping, reading, or journaling. I especially loved it when there was no one else in the house so I could wander around the public areas. I loved having the routine of fixing a meal, making a mug of hot tea and eating that meal staring out the glass French doors right outside the kitchen. In the early morning, or at sunset I would sit there and let my eyes take in the broad view of the woods and fields. Often, I had come on retreat because I was troubled by something, or worn out by my responsibilities. If I were to paint a picture of the life I needed a break from, I would paint a picture of someone whose head was perpetually bowed down, eyes cast down, furrowed brow, closed in on myself like a turtle who doesn’t want to come out of his shell!

It wasn’t long when I realized the depth of my need to look up and out of the daily grind! As I looked out the windows – my eyes rested on the woods which were about 200 yards or so away from the house, and I would see the fields surrounding the house in whatever season we were in – snow, or wheat, or grass… bare woods, green pines or snow covered branches. There was something so healing about gazing at the horizon or at anything beyond what was typically right in front of me! And my anxiety over whatever need I had brought on retreat turned into gratitude! I was filled with thanksgiving that there was more to life and me than what was right in front of me.

A very wise man, a CS Lewis scholar at Wheaton college put together a list of resolutions for his students. And one of those resolutions went like this: “At least once a day, I shall open my eyes and ears, and will stare at a tree, a child, a flower or a cloud. I will not try and figure out what they are, but I will be glad that they are.” (my paraphrase!) Many many years ago I prayed with a woman who had struggled with mental and emotional illness most of her life. Her childhood was horrific, and her need for God great. But she couldn’t get out of the funk of always looking inward or downward. She came from Cleveland to see me, and I remember so clearly what happened on one of her visits. We were sitting on my front steps, basking in the warmth of the day, and she told me something tremendous had happened to her since her last visit. She was walking in the park (details fuzzy…) and she saw a bird fly by and rest on a tree branch. She looked up and marveled at the intricacy of its feathers, and beak, and wings… And seeing the “birdness” of that bird actually made a difference in her typical depressive introspection! Now, I’m not saying she no longer struggled or suffered in her pursuit of mental and emotional health. But I am saying that looking up and looking out and actually seeing a part of God’s creation and thanking Him for that lifted her spirit and her mood!

Gratitude makes a difference! This would be a great week to stop in the midst of your daily responsibilities, or anxiety or burn out. And look at, I mean really see, the face of a child, or the squirrel which just leaped for joy outside your window! Gaze at God’s creation for just a few minutes a day, and be grateful for that creation – and I bet it will make a difference in your life!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jean

Epiphany – The Gratitude Project Week Two

Welcome to the second week of the gratitude project! This prompt has been on my mind lately, as I have considered the season that follows Advent. We don’t say much about it in our tradition but I love the idea of celebrating a season called Epiphany! Epiphany in Greek means manifestation and it often is associated with the wise men’s journey to see the baby Jesus. We find this account in Matthew chapter two where we are told: “Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” (Mat 2:1-2 ESV)

What follows is the account of Herod scheming to kill all male children under the age of two. The wise men left Herod and continued to follow the star. They found Jesus when the star they had been following stopped over the place of his birth. And they bowed down and worshiped Christ as king. It had been revealed to them that He would be a gift from God.

We use the word epiphany today to describe what we think of as an “aha” moment. We were blind to something, and suddenly we see. What was blurry has become clear. What had been darkness, now is light. And to set that into the context of our faith, we experience an epiphany when we have a personal experience of God. So, this week, let’s thank God that He has revealed himself to us in Christ. As Paul in his letter to the Colossians said: “For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross” (Col 1:19-20 ESV).

May this week be a celebration of how God manifested Himself to us, both corporately and individually. Take a moment (or several) and remember how God revealed Himself to you in your conversion, in your baptism, in your formation as a Christ-follower.

Personally, I can remember so many ways through the years, when my eyes were opened to Christ as a Person. There was one moment long after I had become a Christian. I was about 30, pregnant with Rachel, and my life was a mess. I was deeply insecure about my place in the world around me, especially in the church. I was insecure in so many of my relationships, wondering if I had anything to offer anyone. Looking back now, I can see that the circumstances of my early life were impacting my world in the here and now. I was living out the memories of an alcoholic mother, my father’s early death and the deep sense of loneliness I felt all the time. But God broke into that and revealed to me the depth of the work of Christ on my behalf. It was like waking up after a long terrible dream. The gospel, the good news came home to me in ways I had not experienced in my conversion or baptism. Christ revealed Himself to me as One who had come, suffered and died for my sin, for the sins of others against me… for the sin of the world. I could honestly and firmly say I had an epiphany, a manifestation of the Presence of God! Even as I write this, I am filled with such thanksgiving for the Light that came into the world in Christ. (“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth” (Joh 1:14 ESV)). The glory of God in Christ is the manifestation of all of who God is, His holiness, His grace, His love. This week, as you express your gratitude for the Light of the World, may you too, have an epiphany that is transformative!

Thank you for participating in the gratitude project!

Jean